Happy 2010! Last year was a year of laying the foundation for our movement of transforming work and life so everyone can be their best. I learned a lot about myself last year and this year promises to stretch me even further. I’m super excited about that!

I have been wondering about you and your intentions for 2010, specifically how you’ll anchor in more deeply to being your best. Last year a client told me she had selected a word of the year to guide her throughout the year. She got the idea from Christine Kane (www.christinekane.com). Today I read a blog by Chris Brogan who chooses 3 words each year. Read his blog here: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/my-3-words-for-2010/#comment-27738450.

Last year my word was recriprocal, and it served me very well. When I began thinking about my word for 2010, I decided to let go of trying to figure it out and just trust God for my word. The strangest thing happened. I had a dream and the word, enamor, came to me in my sleep – someone said this is your gift – enamor. I can’t remember the details, but when I woke up, the word was firmly in my mind.

Now, mind you, I have vivid, sometimes strange dreams, and I have never had a dream where a word was given to me. And, as I get older, I find that my memory fails me when I try to remember certain words, but I easily recall this word throughout the day.  Also, not surprisingly, enamor is not part of my normal conversations. 

So, although I don’t know if I will add more words to my word of the year, I am definitely keeping enamor. I look forward to playing with my word of the year, peeling it back like an onion, to help me be my best and help others do the same.

What do you think about choosing a word or words for 2010? Take a look at Christine’s video on her blog and/or read Chris Brogan’s blog post and see if choosing a word(s) is something you might want to participate in this year. And be sure to let me know. I’m planning to write about my word at least monthly if not more often throughout the year. I’d love to support you in your word choice.

Many blessings to you and those you love in 2010! May you feel love in a big way (enamor)…

In the tv special, Rudolph wasn’t allowed to play in the reindeer games because of his bright, shiny, red nose. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he just didn’t fit in. He and Hermie, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, didn’t fit in either and so they head out on their own. In one of their songs, they sing, “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit … seems I don’t fit in.”

Boy oh boy, have I been in situations like Rudolph and Hermie. At times I felt like I was on the island of misfit toys. I knew I wasn’t a nitwit and neither were those other folks; it just wasn’t a good fit. That’s when I decided to be the leader of me and find/create a tribe that fits me. With a wonderful community of support, I charted my own course. If others want to laugh and tease me, so be it.

Seth Godin, in his book, Tribes, says what Karen & I have been saying all along – that everyone is a leader and we need you to lead – yourself first. I feel very strongly that when you determine what you want, you’ll be in a much better position to help others get what they want, and then you’ll create something extraordinary together as leaders.

Maybe you’ve been excluded from the proverbial “reindeer games,” or felt like you don’t fit in, or have encountered some monsters on your path. If you choose to, you can return back to your brilliant essence, shine brightly, and lead – with noses of all different colors, shapes and sizes. With a community cheering you on and supporting you, there’s no telling what you’ll accomplish – in your business, your organization,  your home, your school … everywhere!

A couple of weeks ago my husband, Jeff, and I were trying to coordinate our schedules to take time off to visit his parents at the beach. I was going on a business trip, and my husband wanted to go before my trip. I wanted to go after my trip because I had a lot to do before I left. Also, this trip involved another time zone and a packed schedule. Ah – the impasse!

Ordinarily I might have “compromised” because I didn’t think I could get what I wanted, and because I have been a pleaser and conflict avoider for a long time. But I decided to try not compromising in hopes that we could both get what we want or something better. Impossible you say? Read on…

No Compromising - Keep Working!

Jeff & I took some time to think about and discuss alternative solutions, and we came up with something even better than we imagined. Not compromising gave Jeff: one-on-one time with his parents at the beach, 2 short work weeks instead of 1 (he has had very little vacation time this summer), and time to rest. Not compromising gave me: time before my business trip to get organized, a few days with my niece while Jeff was at the beach, and a beach trip filled with fun and rest after I returned from my business trip. Both of us got a lot more than what we originally wanted.

So, what does compromise entail? Someone wins, someone loses, or both parties lose. It seems that many times we see compromise as the easy way out, but it’s really not. The one who gives in usually feels frustrated, hurt, even powerless. Feeling this way can cause hard feelings for a long time. I believe it is essential to keep working, keep talking, and know that we are smart enough to find a solution that works for both parties.

What causes you to give in, even when you feel strongly about something? Do you truly believe you cannot have what you want? This way of thinking is too focused on “or,” meaning either I get what I want you or you get what you want. Look for the “and,” meaning you get what you want and I get what I want … or something even better than we imagined.

MBWA essentially means managers should get out from behind their desks and talk to their employees and form networks. MBWA is a great idea for increased visibility with your employees and colleagues, but if the interaction is fraught with distrust, disrespect, and even tension, MBWA could do more harm than good. All that walking and wandering could have your company poised to fall right off a cliff if you’re not careful.

Maybe you recognize these sleepy managers (likely not bad or evil people):

• Nate’s employees are scattered all over the country, so he uses web conferencing to communicate with his staff. He frequently boasts to his boss that he talks to his team on a regular basis while the other managers don’t. What Nate doesn’t know is that his staff thinks he’s an idiot. Nate seems to be more concerned about his image and saving his job so he spends most of his time asking his staff to measure everything in the form of beautiful PowerPoint charts created just like his boss likes them. Nate believes pleasing your boss is the best way to keep your job.
• In Arthur’s weekly meetings with his leadership team, only well-scrubbed information is shared – information that describes only what is going right. Once Sharon gave a report on a challenge her department was facing only to be belittled by Arthur and later terminated. Consequently, there is very little dialogue or creative thinking that ever comes out of Arthur’s meetings.
• Amanda leads a team of new managers. She challenged her managers to be more visionary, confident, and creative but has never explained what these terms mean. Amanda gives vague and often contradictory directions to her managers. Amanda’s managers find themselves mostly confused about what she wants, so they try different approaches of which none seem to please Amanda. Amanda is ready to fire them all.
• Cody landed a job at a growing technology company. Soon some guys in her department crossed the line and began pursuing her romantically. After telling the guys she wasn’t interested, Cody asked Bradley, her manager, for help. Bradley told Cody that she should stop being flirty and the guys were just having fun. Cody became so stressed that she took a medical leave of absence. Later all 3 guys were terminated and Bradley was fired.

What would happen if these managers woke up and realized what was going on inside and around them?

• Nate would realize that competing with his peers and focusing his energy on impressing the boss is not a sustainable employment strategy. Nate would earn the respect of his staff as they observed him spending less time protecting his job and more time producing real and lasting results for the clients.
• Arthur would understand that his demeaning behavior was controlling, manipulative, and shutting down the flow of information. Arthur’s team would begin generating innovative ideas that yield record-breaking sales.
• Amanda would clearly articulate her vision and expectations. She would take time early on to develop her managers so that they could in confidently lead their teams in the direction set by Amanda. Amanda’s managers would be celebrated for their high-performing teams that produced consistent high-quality results.
• Bradley would understand the seriousness of this situation, the effect on Cody, and the potential risk to the company and his own career. Cody would be able to work in an environment where she did not feel threatened, and Bradley would be considered a skillful manager in his dealings with difficult employee issues.

Managers and leaders, there is no need to fall over the cliff while you are walking or wandering around. Open your eyes to what is happening inside of you and all around you and recognize many amazing opportunities standing right in front of you.

So I became curious. What does poise mean in the business world? Why do you need it? How do you get more poise?

First of all what is poise? Some definitions of poise: self-confident manner, composure, steadiness, stability, state of balance or equilibrium, grace, refinement, and lastly, a product used for bladder problems. I’ll stay away from the bladder issues for now.

Why do we need poise?

Based on the definitions above, I believe that having poise is essential for any leader (and most of us are leaders in some way). Who wants to follow someone who is unstable, ineffective, or incompetent? Poise isn’t just for people in the public eye, speakers, or executives. We all can use poise in every aspect of our lives as we interact with others. The poise I’m talking about is being your best. You aren’t worried about pleasing everyone or controlling anyone. When you have poise, you stop wrangling with yourself and find ease in any situation.

How do you gain more poise?

Focus on others. How can you serve, educate, validate others? I remember losing my poise one day during a talk. I became very nervous and could not collect my thoughts. The problem is I was focused on me. What did they think of me? Did I sounds competent? Upon reflection, I realized I could have regained my poise by focusing on the audience and what I might offer that would be of help or encouragement to them. When we focus on ourselves, many times we are intensely critical and perfectionistic. Most people really do want you to do well!

Focus on an object, mantra, a word or your breath. Think of something physical, emotional, or spiritual that will help you to stay focused: a rock, a card with a mantra or verse on it, an image on your desk, and so on. Make it real and personal for you – something that is inspiring, affirming, and motivating.

Listen with curiosity and interest. You may have heard the saying, “You have one mouth and two ears, so listen twice as much as you think.” This is hard for some people, but I can assure you that you will have fewer fences to mend if you monitor what you say. You are not required by anyone to give an immediate answer (except perhaps in boot camp). Seek to understand. Test your assumptions.

Put content into “buckets.” You may get into a situation where you are called on to give a quick answer and don’t have a lot of time to rehearse your response. It is important that you respond (not react). Take a breath, focus, and make a list (in your head or on paper) of 3-5 points of what you want to get across. Then speak slowly and clearly and ask questions to ensure the message has been delivered accurately.

Listen to your body. If you get into a tense situation, think about how it feels in your body. When you start to feel that tightening or sickening feeling, pay attention. Then, ask yourself what is really going on. Is there a boundary being crossed? Do you really want to be in this situation? Your body is giving you esssential information about what is important to you.

If you have other ideas for bringing more poise into leadership, I’d love to hear from you.

Happy Monday!

~Diane

Networking has worked for me in my career as I have gotten every job in my life through networking except one. I believe wholeheartedly that networking is essential for everyone, and it doesn’t have to cause you to wear extra deodorant just thinking about it.

Below are some tips to keep networking simple and easy:

• My approach to networking is simple. I network with people I like. The people I like are very diverse in all sorts of ways (physical, mental, behavioral, spiritual, social, interests, strengths, and so on). I am more interested in a real relationship than I am for what people can do for me.
  
• You have to keep your network active and that means consistently adding new people to your network. To do this, you have to be engaged on the web or in person on a weekly basis at the very least.
• Online social networking has become very popular, and I think it’s a great way to connect to people you may have never had the chance to meet. Of particular importance is to be consistent in your communications with others and to be authentic. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they write and what they write about, but you don’t get to see the whole picture (body language, tone, etc.). Help people get a flavor for you by telling the truth and being real.
  
• Networking in person can be scary for some people. Although I’m a pretty extroverted person, sometimes I even get nervous or intimidated. What I’ve learned is that when I focus on finding out interesting things about the other person, it takes a lot of the pressure off of me. I don’t particularly like to talk about myself, so I enjoy listening to others. And … I always get a chance to talk about myself and my work because most people are interested in others (although I have met a few who only want to talk about themselves – and they are not in my network).
• Remember JFK’s famous line, “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country?” I use the same approach. I ask what I can do to help the person I’m meeting with, and more than likely I’ll come up with at least one idea of how I can help them whether it’s a lead, an article I’ve read, or just to stay in touch for encouragement/support.
• If you’re feeling a little stalled in your networking, just get out of your house or office. Go to a coffee shop, the local cafe, a park, your place of worship, the mall, the farmer’s market – get out among people and listen to what they talk about. Through listening to others, you’ll  get an idea of what kind of people you find interesting. When you listen to what kind of things people talk about and questions they ask each other, you’ll be able to come up with 2-3 questions you might ask someone.
• When I’m at a networking event (which I’m not particularly crazy about), I set a goal to walk away with adding one person to my network. That’s all – just one. If you have more than one person to add to your list, you deserve chocolate!
  
• Some people think it’s important to have political networks (meaning a lot of back scratching and having your people call my people). I don’t think those relationships are sustainable. Relationships that are sustainable are authentic and reciprocal.
  
• Networking can be done anywhere, not just work. In fact, if the majority of people in your network are from your company, you must expand your network. Time and time again people tell me they wish they invested more time in building their network outside of their company, especially when most people in their network got laid off the same time they did.
• Be interesting! I continue to run into people who have interesting backgrounds, hobbies, and careers. This makes them memorable. What makes you memorable? Maybe you don’t think you are interesting, but I’ll bet if you ask your friends, family or colleagues, they could come up with something. If they can’t, it might be time to explore something new.

Do you have a favorite tip to share? I’d love to hear from you!