Archive for the ‘networking’ Category

I recently read an article written by President Obama, and he mentioned that he was so impressed with his daughter’s poise while they have been in the White House. Many writers also point to President Obama’s poise. In fact, when I Googled Obama and poise, there were over 162,000 records. This article is not about the Obamas; I tend to stay as far away from politics as I can. This is just an example. Another example is from my local newspaper as the writer speculated that a college baseball team went to the semi-finals and lost their poise, although they had extraordinary talent and team spirit.

So I became curious. What does poise mean in the business world? Why do you need it? How do you get more poise?

First of all what is poise? Some definitions of poise: self-confident manner, composure, steadiness, stability, state of balance or equilibrium, grace, refinement, and lastly, a product used for bladder problems. I’ll stay away from the bladder issues for now.

Why do we need poise?

Based on the definitions above, I believe that having poise is essential for any leader (and most of us are leaders in some way). Who wants to follow someone who is unstable, ineffective, or incompetent? Poise isn’t just for people in the public eye, speakers, or executives. We all can use poise in every aspect of our lives as we interact with others. The poise I’m talking about is being your best. You aren’t worried about pleasing everyone or controlling anyone. When you have poise, you stop wrangling with yourself and find ease in any situation.

How do you gain more poise?

Focus on others. How can you serve, educate, validate others? I remember losing my poise one day during a talk. I became very nervous and could not collect my thoughts. The problem is I was focused on me. What did they think of me? Did I sounds competent? Upon reflection, I realized I could have regained my poise by focusing on the audience and what I might offer that would be of help or encouragement to them. When we focus on ourselves, many times we are intensely critical and perfectionistic. Most people really do want you to do well!

Focus on an object, mantra, a word or your breath. Think of something physical, emotional, or spiritual that will help you to stay focused: a rock, a card with a mantra or verse on it, an image on your desk, and so on. Make it real and personal for you – something that is inspiring, affirming, and motivating.

Listen with curiosity and interest. You may have heard the saying, “You have one mouth and two ears, so listen twice as much as you think.” This is hard for some people, but I can assure you that you will have fewer fences to mend if you monitor what you say. You are not required by anyone to give an immediate answer (except perhaps in boot camp). Seek to understand. Test your assumptions.

Put content into “buckets.” You may get into a situation where you are called on to give a quick answer and don’t have a lot of time to rehearse your response. It is important that you respond (not react). Take a breath, focus, and make a list (in your head or on paper) of 3-5 points of what you want to get across. Then speak slowly and clearly and ask questions to ensure the message has been delivered accurately.

Listen to your body. If you get into a tense situation, think about how it feels in your body. When you start to feel that tightening or sickening feeling, pay attention. Then, ask yourself what is really going on. Is there a boundary being crossed? Do you really want to be in this situation? Your body is giving you esssential information about what is important to you.

If you have other ideas for bringing more poise into leadership, I’d love to hear from you.

Happy Monday!

~Diane

I consider myself a fairly networked person. However, I just realized I have been in a networking slump. I have been trying to build my business and go to grad school, so I although I have managed to keep an active network, I haven’t done a good job of increasing my network.

Networking has worked for me in my career as I have gotten every job in my life through networking except one. I believe wholeheartedly that networking is essential for everyone, and it doesn’t have to cause you to wear extra deodorant just thinking about it.

Below are some tips to keep networking simple and easy:

• My approach to networking is simple. I network with people I like. The people I like are very diverse in all sorts of ways (physical, mental, behavioral, spiritual, social, interests, strengths, and so on). I am more interested in a real relationship than I am for what people can do for me.
  
• You have to keep your network active and that means consistently adding new people to your network. To do this, you have to be engaged on the web or in person on a weekly basis at the very least.
• Online social networking has become very popular, and I think it’s a great way to connect to people you may have never had the chance to meet. Of particular importance is to be consistent in your communications with others and to be authentic. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they write and what they write about, but you don’t get to see the whole picture (body language, tone, etc.). Help people get a flavor for you by telling the truth and being real.
  
• Networking in person can be scary for some people. Although I’m a pretty extroverted person, sometimes I even get nervous or intimidated. What I’ve learned is that when I focus on finding out interesting things about the other person, it takes a lot of the pressure off of me. I don’t particularly like to talk about myself, so I enjoy listening to others. And … I always get a chance to talk about myself and my work because most people are interested in others (although I have met a few who only want to talk about themselves – and they are not in my network).
• Remember JFK’s famous line, “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country?” I use the same approach. I ask what I can do to help the person I’m meeting with, and more than likely I’ll come up with at least one idea of how I can help them whether it’s a lead, an article I’ve read, or just to stay in touch for encouragement/support.
• If you’re feeling a little stalled in your networking, just get out of your house or office. Go to a coffee shop, the local cafe, a park, your place of worship, the mall, the farmer’s market – get out among people and listen to what they talk about. Through listening to others, you’ll  get an idea of what kind of people you find interesting. When you listen to what kind of things people talk about and questions they ask each other, you’ll be able to come up with 2-3 questions you might ask someone.
• When I’m at a networking event (which I’m not particularly crazy about), I set a goal to walk away with adding one person to my network. That’s all – just one. If you have more than one person to add to your list, you deserve chocolate!
  
• Some people think it’s important to have political networks (meaning a lot of back scratching and having your people call my people). I don’t think those relationships are sustainable. Relationships that are sustainable are authentic and reciprocal.
  
• Networking can be done anywhere, not just work. In fact, if the majority of people in your network are from your company, you must expand your network. Time and time again people tell me they wish they invested more time in building their network outside of their company, especially when most people in their network got laid off the same time they did.
• Be interesting! I continue to run into people who have interesting backgrounds, hobbies, and careers. This makes them memorable. What makes you memorable? Maybe you don’t think you are interesting, but I’ll bet if you ask your friends, family or colleagues, they could come up with something. If they can’t, it might be time to explore something new.

Do you have a favorite tip to share? I’d love to hear from you!