Archive for the ‘development’ Category

What is compromise? The definition of compromise is “something accepted rather than wanted because what was wanted is unattainable.” Really? What you want is unattainable?

A couple of weeks ago my husband, Jeff, and I were trying to coordinate our schedules to take time off to visit his parents at the beach. I was going on a business trip, and my husband wanted to go before my trip. I wanted to go after my trip because I had a lot to do before I left. Also, this trip involved another time zone and a packed schedule. Ah – the impasse!

Ordinarily I might have “compromised” because I didn’t think I could get what I wanted, and because I have been a pleaser and conflict avoider for a long time. But I decided to try not compromising in hopes that we could both get what we want or something better. Impossible you say? Read on…

No Compromising - Keep Working!

Jeff & I took some time to think about and discuss alternative solutions, and we came up with something even better than we imagined. Not compromising gave Jeff: one-on-one time with his parents at the beach, 2 short work weeks instead of 1 (he has had very little vacation time this summer), and time to rest. Not compromising gave me: time before my business trip to get organized, a few days with my niece while Jeff was at the beach, and a beach trip filled with fun and rest after I returned from my business trip. Both of us got a lot more than what we originally wanted.

So, what does compromise entail? Someone wins, someone loses, or both parties lose. It seems that many times we see compromise as the easy way out, but it’s really not. The one who gives in usually feels frustrated, hurt, even powerless. Feeling this way can cause hard feelings for a long time. I believe it is essential to keep working, keep talking, and know that we are smart enough to find a solution that works for both parties.

What causes you to give in, even when you feel strongly about something? Do you truly believe you cannot have what you want? This way of thinking is too focused on “or,” meaning either I get what I want you or you get what you want. Look for the “and,” meaning you get what you want and I get what I want … or something even better than we imagined.

Waterfall near Brevard, NC

This year I decided my vacation would be about renewal, fun, and anything that’s interesting. I have been working hard finishing grad school and launching a new product with my colleague, Karen Tax. I was exhausted and just wanted to get away. Although … I did leave a tiny opening for an opportunity to learn something new. Seriously, I just can’t turn off the learning –it’s who I am.

First, we took a ride in a purple bus with Lazoom Tours (www.lazoomtours.com) in Asheville, North Carolina. Their concept is a rolling comedy tour of Asheville’s favorite neighborhoods and landmarks. I’ve traveled to Asheville many times, being a lifetime resident in North Carolina, and had never heard of them until I saw their high rating on TripAdvisor. These folks reminded me to have fun, and that even though I think I may know it all, there might be more to learn.

Next I met Jim and Bonnie, eating at a wonderful restaurant in Highlands, North Carolina, called Paoletti. It was a Wednesday night and the place was packed, so we ate at the bar. I struck up a conversation with Jim, a retired executive. When I asked Jim how he like retirement he said, “If it’s a hassle, I don’t do it.” That statement stopped me cold. Jim reminded me not only to have fun and my continue learning, but that most times struggling is a choice.

I was really looking for a restroom but wandered into a gift shop in Lake Toxaway. The sales ladies offered my husband a nice comfy chair while I browsed. These women know what they’re doing; however, I have been thinking about consumerism a lot and how much “stuff” I have. I don’t know if it’s the economy or something else, but I am a much better consumer these days. I buy something if I need it, really love it, or it’s a gift for someone. And … the price must be right.

Finally, we ended our week with a sleepover at my in-laws. My mother-in-law told me years ago to travel while you’re young instead of waiting until you get older (and may have to deal with health issues), even if you have to tighten up the belt a little. We have followed that advice and visited some amazing places. As we have explored different cultures, histories, and geographies, we have a better awareness of and appreciate our differences and similarities. We have also learned that it is about “seizing the day.” All we have is today; tomorrow is an illusion.

As I reflect on my vacation intentions of renewal, fun, and interesting stuff, I can definitely say my intentions were realized. When I take a stand for myself in all areas of my life, especially vacation, I am a strong leader. Also, I believe that growth and development don’t just take place in the classroom or by reading books. Growth and development can happen anywhere, if we just look around – even on vacation!

You may be familiar with the term MBWA or management by walking around, a term brought to light by W. Edwards Deming. Tom Peters, in his book, “A Passion for Excellence,” refers to MBWA as management by wandering about.

MBWA essentially means managers should get out from behind their desks and talk to their employees and form networks. MBWA is a great idea for increased visibility with your employees and colleagues, but if the interaction is fraught with distrust, disrespect, and even tension, MBWA could do more harm than good. All that walking and wandering could have your company poised to fall right off a cliff if you’re not careful.

Maybe you recognize these sleepy managers (likely not bad or evil people):

• Nate’s employees are scattered all over the country, so he uses web conferencing to communicate with his staff. He frequently boasts to his boss that he talks to his team on a regular basis while the other managers don’t. What Nate doesn’t know is that his staff thinks he’s an idiot. Nate seems to be more concerned about his image and saving his job so he spends most of his time asking his staff to measure everything in the form of beautiful PowerPoint charts created just like his boss likes them. Nate believes pleasing your boss is the best way to keep your job.
• In Arthur’s weekly meetings with his leadership team, only well-scrubbed information is shared – information that describes only what is going right. Once Sharon gave a report on a challenge her department was facing only to be belittled by Arthur and later terminated. Consequently, there is very little dialogue or creative thinking that ever comes out of Arthur’s meetings.
• Amanda leads a team of new managers. She challenged her managers to be more visionary, confident, and creative but has never explained what these terms mean. Amanda gives vague and often contradictory directions to her managers. Amanda’s managers find themselves mostly confused about what she wants, so they try different approaches of which none seem to please Amanda. Amanda is ready to fire them all.
• Cody landed a job at a growing technology company. Soon some guys in her department crossed the line and began pursuing her romantically. After telling the guys she wasn’t interested, Cody asked Bradley, her manager, for help. Bradley told Cody that she should stop being flirty and the guys were just having fun. Cody became so stressed that she took a medical leave of absence. Later all 3 guys were terminated and Bradley was fired.

What would happen if these managers woke up and realized what was going on inside and around them?

• Nate would realize that competing with his peers and focusing his energy on impressing the boss is not a sustainable employment strategy. Nate would earn the respect of his staff as they observed him spending less time protecting his job and more time producing real and lasting results for the clients.
• Arthur would understand that his demeaning behavior was controlling, manipulative, and shutting down the flow of information. Arthur’s team would begin generating innovative ideas that yield record-breaking sales.
• Amanda would clearly articulate her vision and expectations. She would take time early on to develop her managers so that they could in confidently lead their teams in the direction set by Amanda. Amanda’s managers would be celebrated for their high-performing teams that produced consistent high-quality results.
• Bradley would understand the seriousness of this situation, the effect on Cody, and the potential risk to the company and his own career. Cody would be able to work in an environment where she did not feel threatened, and Bradley would be considered a skillful manager in his dealings with difficult employee issues.

Managers and leaders, there is no need to fall over the cliff while you are walking or wandering around. Open your eyes to what is happening inside of you and all around you and recognize many amazing opportunities standing right in front of you.