Archive for the ‘communication’ Category

Finding stress relief can be a little tricky

Stress seems to be a big topic these days! I watched a Dr. Oz episode where one of his guests (a doctor) said that 75-90% of doctor visits have some stress-related component & that stress is a major complication of health for all of us.

So, of course I did a Google search and discovered that there are over 6 million global searches a month for the word, “stress.”

I read about good stress, bad stress, chronic stress, work stress, relationship stress, physical stress, stress management, emotional stress, stress relief, acute stress, hyperstress, hypostress, eustress, distress, teenage stress, and even entrepreneur stress. Whew! I’m getting stressed out just writing about stress.

Lots of people & organizations give advice about how to get stress relief; some good & some not so good. The advice I read were mostly temporary fixes; they simply don’t get at the source of what’s driving people’s stress symptoms.  It’s no wonder people are confused, frustrated, give up trying, or resort to drugs.

Here’s an example: Many people suggested that healthy eating is a good solution for reducing stress. Healthy eating is something that is important to me because it supports what I want for my life. Although please understand that very, very occasionally a Krispy Kreme doughnut puts me in a zen-like trance of sheer bliss … and I don’t want to feel bad about it.

Stress relief begins with knowing who you really are

In my personal life and coaching practice, I’ve found that when you get to the real truth of your stress, you can transform it into opportunities for growth & healing … you’ll actually create sustainable stress relief. One of the best ways I know of to get to the truth is to know who you really are, not what other people think of you or how you think you “should be.”

Chinese proverb: Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

Stress relief lies in the expansion of your imagination

Who do you imagine yourself to be … a stressed out, overwhelmed, ugly, stupid, unloved, fat, underappreciated, angry, resentful person? Or do you imagine yourself to be a happy, brilliant, loved, appreciated, valuable, generous person leading your work & life like an entrepreneur leads his/her business?

Your imagination is likely what’s creating or alleviating the stress in your life. Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Try using your imagination to get back to the real you, not the stressed out version of you.

A stress relief tool that helps create sustainable strategies

As a coach, it’s important for me to have a wide variety of tools to use with clients. One of my favorite tools is the IAM Essence Map, created by Karen Tax (my first coach, great friend & business partner), as she searched for stress relief in her life. Karen started using the map with her clients & discovered people were getting excellent results.

I have used the IAM Essence Map in my work (and personally) & have found it to be extremely helpful for creating sustainable stress relief. Just like the Chinese proverb above suggests, I use the IAM Essence Map to help my clients shift out of drama (not you) into the essence of who they really are.

For example, I recently used the IAM Essence Map with one of my clients (Sara-not her real name) when she wanted some help with how she handled a situation at work. During a meeting Sara became very angry because she was the only one prepared. After the meeting, she received some negative feedback about the way she handled herself.

So, I introduced the IAM Essence Map to her & we discussed how she could use it as a guide before & throughout her meeting as a kind of compass to ground her in her essential best. What Sara discovered is that when Drama happens (and it usually does), she can use the IAM Essence Map to help her remember who she is at her best & engage others from that space … not Drama.

Sustainable stress relief results from making peace with drama

When you make peace with the drama in your life (not ignoring it or pretending it isn’t there), and relax into your essential best, the results you’ll experience are unlimited: high-performing teams, self-confidence, greater self-awareness, clear communication, healthy relationships, healthy bodies, and so much more.

If you’re interested in learning more about the IAM Essence Map, join as a Free Member in the IAM Learning Community where I am a co-founder with Karen. You can download a copy (and a bunch of other goodies) from our Resources area.

What ideas, suggestions, questions do you have about making peace with stress & finding stress relief that’s sustainable – not just a temporary fix?

What is compromise? The definition of compromise is “something accepted rather than wanted because what was wanted is unattainable.” Really? What you want is unattainable?

A couple of weeks ago my husband, Jeff, and I were trying to coordinate our schedules to take time off to visit his parents at the beach. I was going on a business trip, and my husband wanted to go before my trip. I wanted to go after my trip because I had a lot to do before I left. Also, this trip involved another time zone and a packed schedule. Ah – the impasse!

Ordinarily I might have “compromised” because I didn’t think I could get what I wanted, and because I have been a pleaser and conflict avoider for a long time. But I decided to try not compromising in hopes that we could both get what we want or something better. Impossible you say? Read on…

No Compromising - Keep Working!

Jeff & I took some time to think about and discuss alternative solutions, and we came up with something even better than we imagined. Not compromising gave Jeff: one-on-one time with his parents at the beach, 2 short work weeks instead of 1 (he has had very little vacation time this summer), and time to rest. Not compromising gave me: time before my business trip to get organized, a few days with my niece while Jeff was at the beach, and a beach trip filled with fun and rest after I returned from my business trip. Both of us got a lot more than what we originally wanted.

So, what does compromise entail? Someone wins, someone loses, or both parties lose. It seems that many times we see compromise as the easy way out, but it’s really not. The one who gives in usually feels frustrated, hurt, even powerless. Feeling this way can cause hard feelings for a long time. I believe it is essential to keep working, keep talking, and know that we are smart enough to find a solution that works for both parties.

What causes you to give in, even when you feel strongly about something? Do you truly believe you cannot have what you want? This way of thinking is too focused on “or,” meaning either I get what I want you or you get what you want. Look for the “and,” meaning you get what you want and I get what I want … or something even better than we imagined.