U.S. Vice Admiral James Bond Stockdale

I cleaned out my office today & ran across an index card with the Stockdale Paradox on it. In case you’re not familiar with the Stockdale Paradox, Jim Collins describes it in his book, “Good to Great” as:

“Retain the faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties AND confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.”

I highly recommend reading about Jim Stockdale in this wiki to learn more about his experience as a Vietnam POW & how he was able to survive when many others didn’t: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale.

Surviving a POW camp is in no way comparable to conducting a job search or developing your career, but there are important lessons we can learn from Jim Stockdale’s experience.

Got Faith?

Stockdale said he never doubted he would prevail and turn this horrific experience into a defining event in his life. He never lost faith.

I think about a time when I was in a job that felt like a prison to me. I felt victimized, like I had no choices. But that wasn’t true. I did have choices. I hired a coach and started working on a plan to not just get me out of there but to really envision a future for myself. I read somewhere that faith is passionate trust. I trusted myself to know what I really wanted, and I trusted God to show me the way.

The Brutal Facts

Stockdale says we must have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of our current reality. There are two important points here – defining reality and discipline.

What is reality? I heard someone say, “If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.” Well, just like Stockdale, I believe the facts DO count.

There are certain facts about you that should be a factor in your career development. This is the brutal reality of YOU – the brilliant you, and it’s important that you know what it is and can sufficiently describe it to others.

And then there’s the other side of reality such as the people who show up on American Idol who can’t carry a tune and can’t understand why they aren’t chosen. Or the person who doesn’t want to learn anything new and thinks they can coast to retirement. Or the person who knows their performance has been lagging but thinks people won’t notice. This is our blind spot, and it is essential to make that spot as small as possible.

After you have a good idea of your reality, it’s time for discipline. Discipline might conjure up some images as being grounded or a drill sergeant commanding you to take 100 pushups in the freezing rain, but consider another definition of discipline: “self-control, training for improvement, and a systematic method.”  It seems to me that discipline is at the heart of leadership, so when it comes to determining our careers, it is essential to have a system in place to help us reach our dreams (strategies, intentions, goals). I hired a coach, increased my knowledge, and put a system in place to be more accountable so that I could expand my choices.

So, CAN be anything you want?  Maybe! Use these tips to guide you in deciding what you really, really want:

• Take a look at the brutal reality of you. Who are you, and what are your strengths (skills, knowledge, abilities)? What is important to you? What would make you want to go work every day full of energy and passion?
• Have the discipline to do what it takes to get you what you want. Invest in yourself by hiring a coach, going back to school, updating your resume, networking, etc. Stop doing those things that are getting in the way of what you want.
• Have faith that you will prevail despite difficult circumstances.
• Allow yourself to be surprised. Don’t wrap up your life so tightly that you miss some amazing detours off your path.

Do you have something else to add to this discussion? If so, I’d love to hear from you!

In the tv special, Rudolph wasn’t allowed to play in the reindeer games because of his bright, shiny, red nose. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he just didn’t fit in. He and Hermie, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, didn’t fit in either and so they head out on their own. In one of their songs, they sing, “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit … seems I don’t fit in.”

Boy oh boy, have I been in situations like Rudolph and Hermie. At times I felt like I was on the island of misfit toys. I knew I wasn’t a nitwit and neither were those other folks; it just wasn’t a good fit. That’s when I decided to be the leader of me and find/create a tribe that fits me. With a wonderful community of support, I charted my own course. If others want to laugh and tease me, so be it.

Seth Godin, in his book, Tribes, says what Karen & I have been saying all along – that everyone is a leader and we need you to lead – yourself first. I feel very strongly that when you determine what you want, you’ll be in a much better position to help others get what they want, and then you’ll create something extraordinary together as leaders.

Maybe you’ve been excluded from the proverbial “reindeer games,” or felt like you don’t fit in, or have encountered some monsters on your path. If you choose to, you can return back to your brilliant essence, shine brightly, and lead – with noses of all different colors, shapes and sizes. With a community cheering you on and supporting you, there’s no telling what you’ll accomplish – in your business, your organization,  your home, your school … everywhere!

Andrew has been searching for full-time work for 9 months. He is offered a job with XYZ company, but the pay is much lower than what he wants. After much consideration, Andrew takes the job and it isn’t long before he is making an impact.  After 3 months on the job, the GM is so impressed with Andrew’s ideas for improvement and performance, he offers him a promotion with a bonus.

Contrast Andrew with Brandy. Brandy has been out of work for 10 months. She was offered a full-time job but turned it down because the pay was too low. Brandy said she would “just wait it out.” Brandy is still waiting, and foreclosure is eminent.

Many times people get confused about taking a job that is not exactly what they want. I understand the dilemma. Some situations have a lot of complexity to them, so there is much to consider.

Here’s my take:

1. Talk the situation through with someone … be curious and open. You may not have considered all the options available to you. Getting help means you are strong, not weak.
2. No job comes with a lifetime guarantee or commitment – from either side (employer/employee). If the job doesn’t work out, you can look for something else. Now you’re in an even better position because you’ve likely learned a few things you can put in your “career toolkit.”
3. Every situation carries an element of risk to it. It’s important to weigh your options, but get some help if you have “decision constipation.”  There are numerous tools available to help with your decision
4. Make sure you understand as much as you possibly can about every job offer. What is the potential for advancement? Does the company invest in people development? What is the fiscal health of the company/organization? It pays to do your research.
5. Sometimes people are in a situation where they have to take a job they don’t really want – completely understandable these days. Just remember, there is a big difference between taking a job that pays the bills temporarily and denying your gifts to the world.

Let me know how I can help you. I want to know about your challenges and successes.

Waterfall near Brevard, NC

This year I decided my vacation would be about renewal, fun, and anything that’s interesting. I have been working hard finishing grad school and launching a new product with my colleague, Karen Tax. I was exhausted and just wanted to get away. Although … I did leave a tiny opening for an opportunity to learn something new. Seriously, I just can’t turn off the learning –it’s who I am.

First, we took a ride in a purple bus with Lazoom Tours (www.lazoomtours.com) in Asheville, North Carolina. Their concept is a rolling comedy tour of Asheville’s favorite neighborhoods and landmarks. I’ve traveled to Asheville many times, being a lifetime resident in North Carolina, and had never heard of them until I saw their high rating on TripAdvisor. These folks reminded me to have fun, and that even though I think I may know it all, there might be more to learn.

Next I met Jim and Bonnie, eating at a wonderful restaurant in Highlands, North Carolina, called Paoletti. It was a Wednesday night and the place was packed, so we ate at the bar. I struck up a conversation with Jim, a retired executive. When I asked Jim how he like retirement he said, “If it’s a hassle, I don’t do it.” That statement stopped me cold. Jim reminded me not only to have fun and my continue learning, but that most times struggling is a choice.

I was really looking for a restroom but wandered into a gift shop in Lake Toxaway. The sales ladies offered my husband a nice comfy chair while I browsed. These women know what they’re doing; however, I have been thinking about consumerism a lot and how much “stuff” I have. I don’t know if it’s the economy or something else, but I am a much better consumer these days. I buy something if I need it, really love it, or it’s a gift for someone. And … the price must be right.

Finally, we ended our week with a sleepover at my in-laws. My mother-in-law told me years ago to travel while you’re young instead of waiting until you get older (and may have to deal with health issues), even if you have to tighten up the belt a little. We have followed that advice and visited some amazing places. As we have explored different cultures, histories, and geographies, we have a better awareness of and appreciate our differences and similarities. We have also learned that it is about “seizing the day.” All we have is today; tomorrow is an illusion.

As I reflect on my vacation intentions of renewal, fun, and interesting stuff, I can definitely say my intentions were realized. When I take a stand for myself in all areas of my life, especially vacation, I am a strong leader. Also, I believe that growth and development don’t just take place in the classroom or by reading books. Growth and development can happen anywhere, if we just look around – even on vacation!

If you’ve stopped and are not moving in your career, there are people behind you urging you to go on, but before you do, make sure you are heading in the direction you want to go. Do you feel that you have accomplished what you set out to do in your work or where you are working? Have you been holding back and not giving your best? Are you not sure what you want to do when you “grow up”? It’s time to get moving!

Something happened and your job has been eliminated (downsized, right-sized, re-engineered, fired). Your job has come to an end and you have no idea what to do. This could be a great opportunity for you to do something you really want to do. I’ve worked with many people who have found themselves in this situation, and the ones who stay creative and open-minded are the ones who find opportunities – many where none existed.

Many of us grew up being taught that your career should look like a ladder, sometimes referred to as a linear career path. “Climb the corporate ladder, push your way to the top” are some phrases we’ve heard throughout our career. However there are many of us who don’t enjoy that type of career path. And in today’s economy and global marketplace, that type of career path is disappearing quickly. So, what we do? Don’t be afraid to get off your safe road and take a side road, maybe many side roads. Just be sure it’s the road you want to take.

Maybe you are in the job market and have interviewed for a job that you just don’t feel right about. Perhaps something is just “off” but you don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s work that you’re not very excited about – but it’s better than nothing. Or, maybe you are finding that what’s important to your organization is not what’s important to you. Have you been asked to take a new role but are not motivated at all to take it? Is your boss asking you to do something you feel is out of integrity with who you are? Please … Do Not Enter! These are all signs pointing you in the direction of extreme caution. Trust yourself to know what is right for you.

Although there may not be physical signs on our career roadmaps, there are many indicators if we just pay attention. The world of work today in the future is looking very different from the way it looked in the past. I believe we all need to be leaders of our careers and navigate our own paths through these tricky waters in our work. Let’s stay in the driver’s seat of our careers and be sure to recognize the signs that guide us towards careers that we are steering.

• When you least expect it, expect it. Our world is filled with chaos (recession, wars, health issues, and so on). It’s good to have goals for our lives, but we can’t predict what the future holds, so we must learn to be agile and not get too attached to our goals. You may have heard the saying, “enjoy the journey.” Today this is evermore true. We need to be sure that we aren’t building systems that keep us complacent. In order to thrive in the midst of chaos, we must use these unexpected shifts to jolt us out of our complacency to regenerate our careers and lives.

• Work IS personal. You may have heard someone say, “It’s not personal. It’s just business.” Phooey! We are human beings, not human doings. When we bring our ALL of ourselves to work, our collective brilliance helps companies grow, evolve, and innovate. It’s up to us to find ways of identifying and communicating our unique strengths and discover how we can create more value for ourselves AND our employers.

• Identify and clarify your value. Each of us has gifts that are needed and wanted; not using our gifts could be doing terrible damage to ourselves and our communities. Storytelling is a way to bring clarity and understanding to how we create value in our work. Everyone has a story and everyone loves stories – it’s been our preferred method of communication for thousands of years. We need to learn how to tell a compelling story in a way that describes more than just our credentials and qualifications. You are much more than a resume. Use your career story to illustrate your character, identity, and personality so that others get a glimpse into who you are as a person and as an employee.

• Old ways don’t work. Stumbling into jobs, not changing with the times, political maneuvering, expecting someone to take care of us – these strategies (or lack thereof), won’t work in present and future economies. The lack of job security, globalization, greater emphasis on corporate social leadership, and rapid technology development forces us to view work in an entirely different context. We have to change. Unfortunately change can be very stressful for many people, and it doesn’t have to be. This new way of working requires us to be visionaries and strategists when it comes to leading our careers.

If you aren’t feeling all that confident about managing your career or haven’t given a lot of thought about your career, I’d love to help.

So I became curious. What does poise mean in the business world? Why do you need it? How do you get more poise?

First of all what is poise? Some definitions of poise: self-confident manner, composure, steadiness, stability, state of balance or equilibrium, grace, refinement, and lastly, a product used for bladder problems. I’ll stay away from the bladder issues for now.

Why do we need poise?

Based on the definitions above, I believe that having poise is essential for any leader (and most of us are leaders in some way). Who wants to follow someone who is unstable, ineffective, or incompetent? Poise isn’t just for people in the public eye, speakers, or executives. We all can use poise in every aspect of our lives as we interact with others. The poise I’m talking about is being your best. You aren’t worried about pleasing everyone or controlling anyone. When you have poise, you stop wrangling with yourself and find ease in any situation.

How do you gain more poise?

Focus on others. How can you serve, educate, validate others? I remember losing my poise one day during a talk. I became very nervous and could not collect my thoughts. The problem is I was focused on me. What did they think of me? Did I sounds competent? Upon reflection, I realized I could have regained my poise by focusing on the audience and what I might offer that would be of help or encouragement to them. When we focus on ourselves, many times we are intensely critical and perfectionistic. Most people really do want you to do well!

Focus on an object, mantra, a word or your breath. Think of something physical, emotional, or spiritual that will help you to stay focused: a rock, a card with a mantra or verse on it, an image on your desk, and so on. Make it real and personal for you – something that is inspiring, affirming, and motivating.

Listen with curiosity and interest. You may have heard the saying, “You have one mouth and two ears, so listen twice as much as you think.” This is hard for some people, but I can assure you that you will have fewer fences to mend if you monitor what you say. You are not required by anyone to give an immediate answer (except perhaps in boot camp). Seek to understand. Test your assumptions.

Put content into “buckets.” You may get into a situation where you are called on to give a quick answer and don’t have a lot of time to rehearse your response. It is important that you respond (not react). Take a breath, focus, and make a list (in your head or on paper) of 3-5 points of what you want to get across. Then speak slowly and clearly and ask questions to ensure the message has been delivered accurately.

Listen to your body. If you get into a tense situation, think about how it feels in your body. When you start to feel that tightening or sickening feeling, pay attention. Then, ask yourself what is really going on. Is there a boundary being crossed? Do you really want to be in this situation? Your body is giving you esssential information about what is important to you.

If you have other ideas for bringing more poise into leadership, I’d love to hear from you.

Happy Monday!

~Diane

Networking has worked for me in my career as I have gotten every job in my life through networking except one. I believe wholeheartedly that networking is essential for everyone, and it doesn’t have to cause you to wear extra deodorant just thinking about it.

Below are some tips to keep networking simple and easy:

• My approach to networking is simple. I network with people I like. The people I like are very diverse in all sorts of ways (physical, mental, behavioral, spiritual, social, interests, strengths, and so on). I am more interested in a real relationship than I am for what people can do for me.
  
• You have to keep your network active and that means consistently adding new people to your network. To do this, you have to be engaged on the web or in person on a weekly basis at the very least.
• Online social networking has become very popular, and I think it’s a great way to connect to people you may have never had the chance to meet. Of particular importance is to be consistent in your communications with others and to be authentic. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they write and what they write about, but you don’t get to see the whole picture (body language, tone, etc.). Help people get a flavor for you by telling the truth and being real.
  
• Networking in person can be scary for some people. Although I’m a pretty extroverted person, sometimes I even get nervous or intimidated. What I’ve learned is that when I focus on finding out interesting things about the other person, it takes a lot of the pressure off of me. I don’t particularly like to talk about myself, so I enjoy listening to others. And … I always get a chance to talk about myself and my work because most people are interested in others (although I have met a few who only want to talk about themselves – and they are not in my network).
• Remember JFK’s famous line, “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country?” I use the same approach. I ask what I can do to help the person I’m meeting with, and more than likely I’ll come up with at least one idea of how I can help them whether it’s a lead, an article I’ve read, or just to stay in touch for encouragement/support.
• If you’re feeling a little stalled in your networking, just get out of your house or office. Go to a coffee shop, the local cafe, a park, your place of worship, the mall, the farmer’s market – get out among people and listen to what they talk about. Through listening to others, you’ll  get an idea of what kind of people you find interesting. When you listen to what kind of things people talk about and questions they ask each other, you’ll be able to come up with 2-3 questions you might ask someone.
• When I’m at a networking event (which I’m not particularly crazy about), I set a goal to walk away with adding one person to my network. That’s all – just one. If you have more than one person to add to your list, you deserve chocolate!
  
• Some people think it’s important to have political networks (meaning a lot of back scratching and having your people call my people). I don’t think those relationships are sustainable. Relationships that are sustainable are authentic and reciprocal.
  
• Networking can be done anywhere, not just work. In fact, if the majority of people in your network are from your company, you must expand your network. Time and time again people tell me they wish they invested more time in building their network outside of their company, especially when most people in their network got laid off the same time they did.
• Be interesting! I continue to run into people who have interesting backgrounds, hobbies, and careers. This makes them memorable. What makes you memorable? Maybe you don’t think you are interesting, but I’ll bet if you ask your friends, family or colleagues, they could come up with something. If they can’t, it might be time to explore something new.

Do you have a favorite tip to share? I’d love to hear from you!