What is compromise? The definition of compromise is “something accepted rather than wanted because what was wanted is unattainable.” Really? What you want is unattainable?

A couple of weeks ago my husband, Jeff, and I were trying to coordinate our schedules to take time off to visit his parents at the beach. I was going on a business trip, and my husband wanted to go before my trip. I wanted to go after my trip because I had a lot to do before I left. Also, this trip involved another time zone and a packed schedule. Ah – the impasse!

Ordinarily I might have “compromised” because I didn’t think I could get what I wanted, and because I have been a pleaser and conflict avoider for a long time. But I decided to try not compromising in hopes that we could both get what we want or something better. Impossible you say? Read on…

No Compromising - Keep Working!

Jeff & I took some time to think about and discuss alternative solutions, and we came up with something even better than we imagined. Not compromising gave Jeff: one-on-one time with his parents at the beach, 2 short work weeks instead of 1 (he has had very little vacation time this summer), and time to rest. Not compromising gave me: time before my business trip to get organized, a few days with my niece while Jeff was at the beach, and a beach trip filled with fun and rest after I returned from my business trip. Both of us got a lot more than what we originally wanted.

So, what does compromise entail? Someone wins, someone loses, or both parties lose. It seems that many times we see compromise as the easy way out, but it’s really not. The one who gives in usually feels frustrated, hurt, even powerless. Feeling this way can cause hard feelings for a long time. I believe it is essential to keep working, keep talking, and know that we are smart enough to find a solution that works for both parties.

What causes you to give in, even when you feel strongly about something? Do you truly believe you cannot have what you want? This way of thinking is too focused on “or,” meaning either I get what I want you or you get what you want. Look for the “and,” meaning you get what you want and I get what I want … or something even better than we imagined.

Waterfall near Brevard, NC

This year I decided my vacation would be about renewal, fun, and anything that’s interesting. I have been working hard finishing grad school and launching a new product with my colleague, Karen Tax. I was exhausted and just wanted to get away. Although … I did leave a tiny opening for an opportunity to learn something new. Seriously, I just can’t turn off the learning –it’s who I am.

First, we took a ride in a purple bus with Lazoom Tours (www.lazoomtours.com) in Asheville, North Carolina. Their concept is a rolling comedy tour of Asheville’s favorite neighborhoods and landmarks. I’ve traveled to Asheville many times, being a lifetime resident in North Carolina, and had never heard of them until I saw their high rating on TripAdvisor. These folks reminded me to have fun, and that even though I think I may know it all, there might be more to learn.

Next I met Jim and Bonnie, eating at a wonderful restaurant in Highlands, North Carolina, called Paoletti. It was a Wednesday night and the place was packed, so we ate at the bar. I struck up a conversation with Jim, a retired executive. When I asked Jim how he like retirement he said, “If it’s a hassle, I don’t do it.” That statement stopped me cold. Jim reminded me not only to have fun and my continue learning, but that most times struggling is a choice.

I was really looking for a restroom but wandered into a gift shop in Lake Toxaway. The sales ladies offered my husband a nice comfy chair while I browsed. These women know what they’re doing; however, I have been thinking about consumerism a lot and how much “stuff” I have. I don’t know if it’s the economy or something else, but I am a much better consumer these days. I buy something if I need it, really love it, or it’s a gift for someone. And … the price must be right.

Finally, we ended our week with a sleepover at my in-laws. My mother-in-law told me years ago to travel while you’re young instead of waiting until you get older (and may have to deal with health issues), even if you have to tighten up the belt a little. We have followed that advice and visited some amazing places. As we have explored different cultures, histories, and geographies, we have a better awareness of and appreciate our differences and similarities. We have also learned that it is about “seizing the day.” All we have is today; tomorrow is an illusion.

As I reflect on my vacation intentions of renewal, fun, and interesting stuff, I can definitely say my intentions were realized. When I take a stand for myself in all areas of my life, especially vacation, I am a strong leader. Also, I believe that growth and development don’t just take place in the classroom or by reading books. Growth and development can happen anywhere, if we just look around – even on vacation!

Yesterday I went to the DMV to get my license renewed. The officer gave me a little card with traffic signs and descriptions. Cramming before before the test? As I sat there waiting (for over an hour), I studied the signs and wondered what difference it would make if there were signposts on our career roadmaps. Maybe we would be better navigators of our careers if there were visible signs.

If you’ve stopped and are not moving in your career, there are people behind you urging you to go on, but before you do, make sure you are heading in the direction you want to go. Do you feel that you have accomplished what you set out to do in your work or where you are working? Have you been holding back and not giving your best? Are you not sure what you want to do when you “grow up”? It’s time to get moving!

Something happened and your job has been eliminated (downsized, right-sized, re-engineered, fired). Your job has come to an end and you have no idea what to do. This could be a great opportunity for you to do something you really want to do. I’ve worked with many people who have found themselves in this situation, and the ones who stay creative and open-minded are the ones who find opportunities – many where none existed.

Many of us grew up being taught that your career should look like a ladder, sometimes referred to as a linear career path. “Climb the corporate ladder, push your way to the top” are some phrases we’ve heard throughout our career. However there are many of us who don’t enjoy that type of career path. And in today’s economy and global marketplace, that type of career path is disappearing quickly. So, what we do? Don’t be afraid to get off your safe road and take a side road, maybe many side roads. Just be sure it’s the road you want to take.

Maybe you are in the job market and have interviewed for a job that you just don’t feel right about. Perhaps something is just “off” but you don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s work that you’re not very excited about – but it’s better than nothing. Or, maybe you are finding that what’s important to your organization is not what’s important to you. Have you been asked to take a new role but are not motivated at all to take it? Is your boss asking you to do something you feel is out of integrity with who you are? Please … Do Not Enter! These are all signs pointing you in the direction of extreme caution. Trust yourself to know what is right for you.

Although there may not be physical signs on our career roadmaps, there are many indicators if we just pay attention. The world of work today in the future is looking very different from the way it looked in the past. I believe we all need to be leaders of our careers and navigate our own paths through these tricky waters in our work. Let’s stay in the driver’s seat of our careers and be sure to recognize the signs that guide us towards careers that we are steering.